The Talk
by Bratling
Summary: Directly follows A Little Chat. An alternate conversation between Michaela and Colleen in A New Beginning. Out of the three older children, Colleen was the only one who didn't get THE talk...


The Talk

by Bratling

Disclaimer: Not mine. I hugged them, squeezed them, called them George, then gave them back like a good girl. _Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman_ belongs to Beth Sullivan, CBS, and A&E.

Author's Note: This directly follows my story, _A Little Chat_. As I've said before, I remain unconvinced of Andrew and Colleen. It was too rushed and hurried and they didn't know each other that well. Some conversations about medicine combined with two dates aren't a really good foundation for a lasting marriage. Think of this as an alternate to the talk Michaela and Colleen had in _A New Beginning_. Colleen was also the only Cooper child who didn't get _the_ talk by either Sully or Michaela...

_"Immature love says, 'I love you because I need you.' _

_Mature love says, 'I need you because I love you.'"_

**-Erich Fromm**

Michaela knocked and entered Colleen's room. If her daughter were really to marry so soon, they desperately needed to have a talk. Sully had told her about his little chat with Andrew, and thus she was uncertain if the nuptials would actually go through as soon as planned. Colleen was staring out the window as Michaela walked through the door. It looked as if her daughter had been writing in her diary, but when Michaela got closer she saw the page was full of doodles. "Colleen?" she queried softly.

Colleen looked up, her fingers still toying with the pen. "Ma, I'm..."

"Scared?" she asked with a little smile. "Nervous?"

Colleen closed her eyes and nodded. "It's so many changes all at once," she murmured. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing, Ma? Marrying Andrew?"

Michaela picked the brush up from the dresser, let her daughter's hair down, and started to brush it. "I would be a lot happier if the two of you had actually courted," she said softly. "Both of you are in a hurry with this - he's taken you to supper once and on a picnic once, and you assisted him in the clinic after Katie was born. Did you discuss many things other than medicine?"

Colleen fidgeted with the pen. "A few things," she admitted. "Not much more."

"Did you two write while you were away at school?" she asked gently.

Colleen flushed. "No," she admitted quietly.

"I admit I haven't been happy with many of Andrew's decisions since he went to work for Preston." Michaela was quiet for a few moments as her brush hit a particularly bad tangle. "He doesn't yet know where he stands or whom he is entirely, and you're still very young. I _am _ your mother, and I have the right to be concerned about you."

Colleen bit her lip. "You're just worried I'll drop out of medical school to have babies." Her words were accusatory, but there was a quaver to her voice.

"That _is_ part of it, yes," Michaela agreed softly. "More than one of my classmates did just that. They never finished medical college and never became doctors. But most of all, sweetheart, I want you to be _happy_."

"Is that really what you want?" Colleen had a pleading look on her face.

"If he makes you happy," she said quietly. "If he's the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about at night, if your definition of home becomes 'where he is,' then marry him. If you're happiest when he's near, he has become your best friend, and you can't imagine your world without him, then marry him. It's up to you, Colleen. This is your life and your future." She finished her daughter's hair and put the brush down.

Colleen didn't answer, just grew quiet. "I'll think about it," she promised.

Michaela sat down on the bed. "Good, though I didn't come up here to speak about that," she began softly. "If you're marrying Andrew next week, then you and I need to talk about what happens after the wedding." She didn't want to have this discussion, but she was determined Colleen would not be as ill-prepared as she had been... or as scared. If she knew what to expect, Michaela was sure it would be slightly easier for her daughter than it had been for her.

A hot blush rose in Colleen's cheeks. "I know where babies come from, Ma!" she protested.

"Medically, yes," Michaela only hoped her voice was steady. "You've read my texts, delivered a baby, and assisted me many times. You've seen the animals as well. You never told me exactly what your grandmother told you. I thought I was prepared, but I really wasn't, and I knew all the medical aspects as well." She folded her hands in her lap and waited expectantly. "What did she tell you?"

"Nothing about _that_," Colleen admitted as she joined her mother on the bed.

"She never told me much either," Michaela said quietly. "I was woefully ignorant when I married your father. Andrew will need to go slow with you, and the medical texts aren't entirely right about this."

"You mean the, um, pleasure isn't just for the man?" she asked, her blush deepening.

Michaela took Colleen's hand and squeezed it. "That's exactly what I mean. With a man you love, who loves you and wants to make it good for you, it's quite... agreeable."

Colleen gulped. "Even the first time, Ma?" she whispered.

"No, not the first time," Michaela said with a wry smile. "The first time hurts a little, and there's blood from breaking the hymen."

"The first few times?" Colleen asked.

"You're using muscles you've never used before," Michaela said dryly. "They could become sore. But things will improve. Andrew should be sensitive to the fact that it _will _hurt the first time, and I can have Sully speak to him if you want."

Wordlessly, she shook her head. "Please, don't," she said with a grimace. "After the serious case of puppy love I had on Sully when I was fourteen..." she trailed off.

Michaela smiled. "He's always loved you like a daughter, you know," she said quietly.

" I know that now..." she trailed off. "What if I don't marry Andrew?" Colleen asked suddenly.

"Then you'll go to Philadelphia, as planned, and we'll do our best to make sure you can come home for Christmas," Michaela reached out and smoothed Colleen's hair back. "If you're not married, you will need to guard your reputation carefully; as an unmarried woman, if you want to practice medicine, it must be beyond reproach."

"That's what Grandma talked about," Colleen admitted softly.

"You may visit your grandmother no matter what, and I'm sure your Aunt Rebecca would love to see you at some point, married or not." Michaela squeezed her hand again. "Your father and I will support you, no matter what you decide." She kissed Colleen on the forehead. "We love you, sweetheart, and we want what's best for you and what will make you happy."

"Even if I never become a doctor?" Colleen whispered.

"Even then. " A surge of sweetness filled her as she looked at her daughter. "Sometimes, I envy Charlotte, you know," she said softly. "Especially since Katie was born."

Colleen looked puzzled. "Why?" she asked quietly.

"Because Charlotte got to experience all of your firsts," she said simply. "She was there for your first steps and your first word and when you cut your first tooth. She taught you to read... I didn't get any of that with you or your brothers. I missed all of it. It's not that I wish she weren't your mother, because then you wouldn't be you. But I wish I'd been part of your life from the beginning and we had the tie you had with Charlotte."

Tears welled up in Colleen's eyes. "Ma," she didn't continue, but a tear rolled down her cheek.

Michaela opened her arms and Colleen moved into them. She hugged her tightly, stroking her hair the way she had when some small hurt had seemed too great to be borne. She changed the subject back to what they had been discussing. "What happens between you and your husband on your wedding night and thereafter should be an expression of love. It should happen because you love each other and both of you want to. There's nothing dirty or wrong about it."

"Some of the girls at school said things about how it should only be for procreation." Colleen moved back a little.

Michaela felt her face heat up. "And recreation," she said gently. "Because you love each other and... it's _fun_. It's about closeness, too. I've always had a connection to your father, but afterwards... it deepened. And every time, it gets better."

Colleen turned red. "I _really_ don't want to think of you and Sully..."

Michaela laughed a little. "Where do you think Katie came from?" she asked rhetorically. "Snowbird told me once that children are the natural consequence of sharing your blankets with your husband."

"I know what the texts say to keep that from happening," Colleen protested.

"It's your decision, sweetheart," Michaela said gently. "Just make sure it's what you want, and you're marrying him out of love, not fear you'll lose him if you don't marry him now."

"I... need some time to think," she murmured.

Michaela hugged her one more time and kissed her on the cheek. "If you need to go into town..."

"I can saddle Bear," Colleen said quietly. "I know you have to get to the clinic, and Brian to school. I need to wash my clothes, anyway."

"I don't know what your father's plans are for the day yet, or Matthew's," she offered. "We're all willing to talk if you need to."

"Thanks, Ma, but I think I need to be alone." Colleen's face was pensive.

Michaela nodded and with a final squeeze of her daughter's hand, she left the room and made her way downstairs. Sully was putting the last of the breakfast dishes away as she walked into the room. She crossed it, wrapped her arms around him from behind, kissed his back through his shirt, and laid her cheek against it. He turned around, wrapped his arms around her in return, and rested his cheek against her hair. Wordlessly, they stood there, simply holding each other and she relished the feel of him in her arms. It had been an awful year, and having him home safe in her arms was not only the best outcome she could imagine, but sometimes still felt like a novelty because he had been away so long. "Where's Katie?" she asked finally after a long silence.

"Matthew an' Brian took her with them into town. Ya have a talk with Colleen?" Sully kissed the crown of her head.

She stiffened slightly, still uncomfortable with talking about the subject. "Yes," she admitted. "I hope I did a better job with Colleen than with Brian." She laughed softly.

He stepped back, loosening his hold on her a bit and kissed her gently. "Better than how I did with Matthew," he said with a grin. "I s'pose we need to go into town; Robert E needs my help t'day."

"And I have patients to see," Michaela said with a sigh. "We've dipped into our savings far too much this year as it is."

"If only I hadn't -"

She pulled back and kissed him. "We're in this together," she reminded him. "What happens to you happens to me, remember?"

"I remember." He looked troubled. "If you'd married David 'stead of me..."

Michaela reached up and smoothed a lock of hair away from Sully's face. "I married exactly whom I wanted to marry, and I'd like to think we're even stronger now than we were before."

Sully kissed her again, as if to remind himself she was there. "I love you," he murmured.

"I love you, too." She hesitated for a few minutes before continuing. "I told Colleen if her new definition of home is where Andrew is, she should marry him, because that's how I feel about you."

"Colleen's got a good head on her shoulders. You done a good job with her." He took her hand in his and started to walk towards the door.

"_We_ did a good job raising her. I just hope she's not doing this out of fear," she said quietly. "If I had married David before he left to go to war, it would have been the biggest mistake of my life. The way I loved him is _nothing_ compared to what I feel for you." Hand in hand, they went out to the barn to hitch up the horses, only separating momentarily for Michaela to fetch her bag. He helped her into the wagon, climbed in, and held the reins with one hand so he could wrap his free arm around her. Together they headed towards town. She could only hope and pray things would work out and Colleen would be happy with whatever decision she made.

Finis.


End file.
